Your Beautiful Song
by camera enthusiast
Summary: Eli's put into a treatment center to cope healthily with Julia's death. Will he end up okay or will things take a sick turn for the worst?  A little AU, but not a lot.
1. Chapter 1

His green eyes flickered at the picture of Julia, his dead ex-girlfriend, exhaling deeply, "Why are you doing this to me?" his voice trembled.

Eli Goldsworthy's hands shook as he grabbed the Degrassi pen out of his right pocket and pulling out a piece of folded notebook paper from the left.

He slowly began to write to Julia, _"Dear Julia, Because of you Clare hates me… You did this to me. I hate you. You've ruined my life." _And with that he signed his name with a flourish before crumbling the paper up and throwing it as far as he could across the room.

Eli sat down on his bed inside his home. Inhaling consistently, he ran his fingers through his thick, black hair. He just wanted Clare back into his arms. That's all. It was that simple. But she had left, after she PROMISED she wouldn't.

He felt his phone buzzing in his khaki uniform pants, taking a quick glance at the caller ID he saw Clare's name light up his screen.

Quickly answering it, he sighed, "Clare?" he asked, hoping it was her.

"Um, yeah, Eli, is that you?" he heard her smooth voice fill the speakers of his cell phone.

He smiled for the first time in days, "Yeah…" he said, slowly, not wanting the call to end anytime soon, "What's up, Clare?"

"Eli, I'm worried about you…" she said, trailing off, then coming back to the conversation, "I realize you're not over Julia… so I asked your parents if they thought it was a good idea for you to go to… a… treatment center. So you can, you know, cope with the problem you're having in a more healthy way… and they thought it was a great idea," she finished.

Eli could her nervously breathing, hesitantly he responded, "Excuse me? Clare, I'm fine. I don't need help or go to a mental hospital… I'm just fine coping the way I am. I'm over Julia, I promise," he tried to smile through the misery her words were putting him through.

"Eli… I'm sorry," was all that came from the other line.

"Sorry for what, Clare…?" he asked, a little afraid of her response that he knew was coming.

"Your parents said it was definite. They said you're leaving for treatment tonight at 7… That's why I called you… They thought I should be the one to tell you. They've already got you a suitcase, and they'll bring more clothes after you're checked in…" Clare gulped, sounding as if she might cry. "I love you, Eli. That's why I'm doing this."

"Don't cry, Clare…" Eli said, biting his lip, hoping he wouldn't start crying. "I… I'm fine, I swear. I don't need to go to a treatment center… I'm not crazy," he swallowed, "Couldn't you have come to me first with this?"

"No," was all she said. "You would've immediately said no which would have resulted in where we are right now," she admitted, grasping the phone a little tighter.

Eli glanced at the clock – 6:48 P.M. – "Clare…" he began, a little terrified of the future.

"Eli, your parents will be home any minute…" as soon as the words made their way to his line of the telephone, he heard a car door slam.

"They're here…" and that was all it took. He broke down in tears. "Clare, what did I do wrong? Why do I deserve this?"

"Eli, you're just not in your right mind. Julia's death date just passed… you just need to learn how to cope properly."

"Can I tell you something, Clare?" he asked, reaching down to his arm to feel the raised scars he had put there.

"Of course, Eli…" Clare said a little nervously.

"Whenever you brought up that it was almost April 22nd that day on the bench… I started cutting myself…" the green eyed boy confessed through his salty tears.

"…What?" Clare asked, her blue eyes widening, stunned. "Eli… why didn't you tell me?"

"Because this would happen," he said, slowly, hearing his parents enter the house, attempting to be quiet.

"Eli…"

"I've got to go, Clare. Parents are here," Eli spat bitterly, hanging up the phone, pulling over a jacket to hide his scars.

"Hey, guys…" he choked out. They must've seen the pain in his eyes because they broke down.

"Eli, we're so sorry it has to be like this…" his mother sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, too…" he bit back his tears, watching his own father tear up. "Can we just… go to the center now?"

"Of course," Mrs. Goldsworthy said, bursting into more hysterical tears, "Your suitcase is in the trunk…"

"Thanks," he muttered, sadly, exiting the front door of his home – it'd be a while before he saw it again.


	2. Chapter 2

Entering the PCH Treatment Center in Ontario, a chill went down Eli's spine. He shivered at the fake happy workers.

Eli's mother checked him into the center and turned around to face her son, "We'll miss you, Eli," she stated calmly.

Bullfrog, Eli's father, placed a hand on his 17 year old son's shoulder, causing him to flinch, "Eli, son, get better," was all he said.

"I'll try my best…" Eli responded, smirking, "Am I… am I allowed visitors?"

Mrs. Goldsworthy looked down at the ground for a second, "I'm so sorry, Eli. You're not allowed visitors for a while… They'll take your cell phone, as well. You're not allowed cable television or internet access."

Eli's green eyes grew big in shock, "How am I supposed to talk to Clare?" he shouted, loud enough where people turned around. "I… I have to talk to Clare, Mom!"

"Eli, calm down," she began, "You'll see her when the time is right, Elijah."

Eli tried to shrug it off – his mother was right, when the time was right, and he was better Clare would come see him – but he couldn't, "Mom… I… I miss Clare. So much… more than anything."

She embraced him in a motherly hug and whispered, "Elijah, calm down. Clare will come around. I'm sure," she kissed his head. "Now we've got to be going… so… goodbye, Elijah."

Bullfrog nodded towards his only son, "Goodbye, son," he said gently before exiting the building.

Eli bit his lip, looking around, stopping on a pair of brown eyes that seemed hauntingly familiar; he blinked and saw _her _face.

"Julia?" he called out – no answer. He rolled his eyes back, he was seeing things. She was haunting his every move.

"Mr. Goldsworthy?" the receptionist called to him. As he turned around she plastered a smile, "Room 2121 – your luggage is ready for you to carry up."

Eli smirked a little, "Thanks, darling," he snapped, sarcastically.

The receptionist's head cocked to the side, "You'll call me Ms. Crawford, Elijah," she said very formally.

"Yes ma'am," Eli said, as she caught him off guard. "Room 2121, you said?" he reassured, trying to remake his first impression.

"Yes, sir," she smiled politely, "You can take the elevator with the attendant inside," her pink lips parted, "You can call him Mr. Dedeaux," she smirked, winking at him.

Eli laughed nervously, "Will do. Thanks, Ms. Crawford."

The black haired, green eyed, teenager entered his room and saw two beds on either side. Must have a roommate, he thought.

Laying the suitcase on the unoccupied bed, Eli began unpacking and sorting things into the dresser on his side of the room.

Suddenly used to the quiet, he jumped at the sound of the door opening, "Um?" he called to the enterer.

"Oh, hey – I'm Justin," the hazel eyed boy smiled, "I guess you're Eli Goldsworthy, and you're my roommate?" he raised a bushy eyebrow.

"Yeah, nice to meet you buddy," Eli tried his best to smile at the stranger, and stuck out his hand for Justin to shake.

As Justin shook Eli's hand, his face grew serious, "By the way, the best way to stay out of room isolation is to not talk about why others are here and don't make fun of other people. It just slows down their recovery."

"Thanks, man…" Eli said awkwardly, kicking the floor. "So, um, any other rules I need to know about?"

Justin laughed a little, running his hand through his short, choppy brown hair, "Yeah. They're weird ones, too," he chuckled, "Like no sex? Who comes up with that?" he asked to no one in particular. "No threatening, no alcohol, no mood altering drugs, no physical harm upon yourself or others, no threatening staff or others, no PDA, no entering others rooms, no bleach, no cursing, no disrespect, and no money can be sent to you in the mail," he finally finished.

Eli cocked his head, "…Can I breathe?" he asked sarcastically.

Justin smirked, "Barely," he laughed at their banter for a second or two before returning to his bed, "Oh, and lights out at 9 o'clock."

"Good Lord," Eli sighed, finishing putting the last of his clothes up and lying down on the uncomfortable bed, "What do you for fun around here?"

Justin sat up a little, grabbing a notebook from his nightstand drawers, "I write songs," he said, showing the front of the yellow notebook.

"About?" Eli questioned, flickering his green eyes at Justin and his notebook.

"Just whatever," the brown hair boy responded, shrugging awkwardly, "Different things all the time."

"Oh, that's cool, I guess," Eli shrugged nonchalantly, "So… umm… if you don't mind… you know talking about it… why are you in here?"

Without looking up from the notebook he was now writing in, Justin replied, "I was clinically depressed and attempted suicide," he said as if it were nothing. "How about you?"

"My girlfriend… ex-girlfriend, I guess now, Julia… she, uh, she got hit by a car two years ago… after we had gotten in a fight… Basically," Eli cleared his through hesitantly, "I said some things I shouldn't have, she took off on her bike and got hit by a car… and just like that… she was gone… But then last year… I, uh, I met somebody new… someone who taught me to love again," he smiled.

Justin laughed, "Are you still with her?"

"I, well I don't know, actually… She told me I was suffocating her… but the truth was I was terrified to lose her… because Julia's death date was coming up… she brought that up and I denied it… said I didn't even think about Julia anymore… so Clare, the new girl, told me we should take a break so I could cope healthily on my own… and I snapped," Eli said, spilling out his entire story without skipping a beat.

"Oh, wow," was all Justin said. His lips parted, "How?"

"I resorted to cutting my wrists… I knew it was a bad idea but at the time it seemed like the only idea that would get rid of Julia from my mind… I was insane. So Clare referred me here so I could 'learn how to cope besides self-mutilation and get out of my depression'… and now… well… here I am," he smiled sarcastically, laughing a little.

Justin nodded, as if he understood, "Man, that's rough… Just keep in mind that she did this because she loves you. I'm sure she wants you over Julia as much as you want to be. So just keep Clare's face in your mind until you're ready to get out of here," he smiled reassuringly.

"Thanks, man. It means a lot for you to, uh, listen to my story," Eli admitted, "Lots of people don't understand that I want to be over Julia… but… yeah."

"It's okay, man," Justin said for what seemed like the millionth time, "Just don't ever lose hope in your relationship."

A knock on the door interrupted their deep conversation as a lady who introduced herself as Dr. Paul entered the room, "Hello, boys," she smiled.

Eli took note that Dr. Paul looked very young – maybe 20, 25 at least – in her sexy-chic business suit that hugged her body just right.

As she spoke a little to Justin, Eli could've sworn that she winked right at him. She turned to him, and his eyes widened as she spoke, "Elijah, follow me. We have our first meeting awaiting," she smiled, heading for the door.

Eli walked right after her, waving bye to Justin, closing the door behind him, "So… Dr. Paul," Eli said as soon as they entered her small office.

"So… Elijah," she imitated his awkward voice, "Elijah, since we already know why you're here, let's just spend today getting to know each other, shall we?" she smiled, cutely.

"Sure," Eli nodded while grinning uncontrollably. He liked the obvious attention this lady was giving him.

"I guess we'll play a type of 20 Questions, okay?"

"Alright," Eli agreed.

"First question, how old are you Elijah?" she asked, sounding a little curious.

"Seventeen," he answered, smirking with amusement as he saw her smile drop a little. _Dammit,_ Dr. Paul thought, _He's still a minor._

"I'm 21," she smiled, leaning over, obviously trying to show Eli the cleavage she didn't have, "Second question – explain to me why you're here again."

"Because I'm tired of living without Julia or Clare. Clare thinks I need to learn how to cope healthily," he shrugged, taking off his jacket and showing Dr. Paul his scars, "_This _is what they did to me."

"Who's Julia?" Dr. Paul asked, slipping off her business coat, revealing only her camisole. "Someone close?"

"She was my girlfriend. Before she got hit by a car after we got into a fight," Eli said, backing up as far as the chair would allow him to from Dr. Paul. He was beginning to get uncomfortable.

"Oh…" she added, before smiling sweetly at Eli, "I'm sorry for your loss… Truly."

"Unless you hit her, don't apologize," he said very plainly, "I'm sick of the apologizing, unless you caused the pain towards me, don't say you're sorry."

"What else are you sick of?" Dr. Paul asked, flickering her electric blue eyes at Eli's green ones, "Go ahead, tell me…"

Eli's eyes were closed while he talked, "I'm sick of living…"


	3. Chapter 3

***The Next Day***

"Eli?" Justin called from across the room to his sleeping roommate. "Eli, man, wake up. It's 7:30, time for breakfast."

Eli awoke with a jump, startled the slightest bit, "Oh," he said, wiping his tired eyes, "Dude, who wakes up at 7:30 in the fucking morning?" Eli asked, slowly getting out of the almost too comfortable bed.

"Welcome to PCH," Justin said, sarcastically, "It's like this every morning. Although, on Sundays, we eat breakfast at six o'clock, so we get to Sunday services on time," he shrugged, pulling a white V-neck shirt over his bare chest.

Eli walked to his dresser, pulling out a black graphic tee and a pair of fresh jeans, "Um," he began, awkwardly. "Do you mind if you…?" his eyes glanced towards the wall.

"Ah, you want me to turn around?" Justin finally caught on. Hey, they never said he was bright.

"Yeah, that would be delightful," Eli said, pulling his shirt off over his head as Justin faced the wall, awkwardly.

Just as Eli pulled down his pajama pants, Justin began to speak, "So… how was the meeting with Dr. Paul?"

"Well… um, let me get some pants on before I start a conversation," Eli stated just as he buttoned up his pants. "Okay, we're good. You can turn around now."

Justin turned around, while running a callused hand through his brown hair, he repeated, "How was the meeting?"

Eli's green eyes filled with amusement, "She's a creep, dude. She was, like, flirting with me and… it was just _odd_."

Justin laughed with curiosity and a little bit of amusement, as well, "Don't worry. She's like that with everyone. She's a whore," he laughed, "She flirted with me the first day I came, too. I guess she's afraid of being alone or something, so she gets all seductive with minors."

"You're a _minor_," Eli burst into laughter, as he mocked Dr. Paul, "too?"

"Yeah, sixteen," Justin smirked, "Not the best age. What about you?"

"Seventeen," Eli said, awkwardly running a hand over his scars.

He had been tempted to find something to cut himself again with last night, but couldn't find anything for the life of him – so he just forgot about it.

"Can I tell you something else?" Eli asked, awkwardly.

"Of course," Justin smiled friendly, "Shoot."

"Another reason I'm in here is because… well, I asked Clare to meet me at 'our' bench at 9pm one night if she wanted to go to a convention type thing with me…" he started, it was the first time he had addressed the situation since it happened, "And she didn't come… she went to the school dance with her friends… so I called her, and flipped a shit," he looked down at the ground, biting back the bitter tears, "She said something like we weren't meant to be together. I kept telling her we were… that I loved her, and I _knew_ – well I _know_ – that she loves me. I told her two days in Morty would—"

Justin's quizzical expression led Eli to his next point, "Morty's my car. It's a hearse… well… was."

Justin nodded like he understood as Eli continued, "She told me she hated the car… so I crashed it. Just to see her. Because I knew I'd end up in the hospital, so I crashed it… to make her happy. I thought with the car gone, we'd be happy again. She came and saw me in the hospital, of course, I mean, I'd knew she'd come, that's why I did it. I wanted to see her again. And when she came… she broke up with me. And just like that, she was gone…" he couldn't help it anymore, the tears came rushing down. "But I know that when I get better, she'll come back."

Justin's eyes widened with a little bit of fear, "Eli… you're obsessed."

"Wh-what?" Eli backed up, "No, I'm not… we love each other."

"Eli, obviously if she loved you… she wouldn't have flipped a shit, and you wouldn't have been so damn clingy and you would've accepted her decision for space in the first place…" Justin exhaled, a little worried, "I'm not holding this against you because you're not the first obsessed, unstable, suicidal person I've met in this place. But you need help. She had every reason for sending you here," he finished, walking out the door, slamming it behind him.

Eli started laughing, "I'm not crazy," he repeated, over and over again. "I'm definitely not crazy. They'll see. When I get out of here Clare and I will be so happy… why?" he asked himself. "Because you, Eli Goldsworthy, are not crazy," he chuckled to himself, leaving the room for breakfast.


End file.
